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April 2006 Archive

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SHAG IN A JAG (published 28 April 2006)

Great news for John Prescott as a scrummage begins between TV bosses to launch a new reality show featuring the gregarious large-boned political mammoth. Contestants for Shag in a Jag are expected to be charming, personable types, frothing at the mouth for a bit of fame and filthy lucre. Current front runner for the new game show, where the winner gets to bonk the bulk, is Apprentice favourite, and Prescott lookalikey, Ruth Badger. 'Grrr,' purred Ruth yesterday.





HEWITT WOO (as in the wolf whistle) (published 28 April 2006)

Meanwhile, Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt has unveiled her latest outfit as she prepares to address another meeting of nurses. Our Haute Couture correspondent, Fiona Ffitch-Ffrump, says, 'It's a fetching little number, designed to repel even the most virulent abuse and brickbats. I understand the First Minister has first dibs on the kilt when Patty's finished with it.'





FORTH ROLLERCOASTER (published 21 April 2006)

As speculation spirals over the probable costs of another Forth bridge, the cooncil of Scotmidshire have proposed raising mair dosh by adding a rollercoaster to the rail bridge. Minister for Fun and Japes, Coco Connell, said yesterday, 'Weeeee!'



DAILY MAIL PICNIC (published 21 April 2006)

Once again, those cheeky webmeisters, Doghorse and Eclectech, have come up with the goods in this storming paean to everyone's favourite fascist rag. Hear here: Daily Mail Picnic



EAGLE OWL - RUSSIAN SPY (published 14 April 2006)

The Reckless has discovered that the eagle owl recently escaped from a back garden in Linlithgow is in fact a Russian spy. The devilish creature has been smuggling dead swans into the country in order to destabilise the economy through bird flu scares.


FREE FINGERTIPS CD (published 14 April 2006)

This month's free CD at The Reckless is Fingertips by They Might Be Gannets. Back in 1992, They Might Be Giants released 'Apollo 18'. On that album was a unique track called 'Fingertips' which contained 21 tiny snippets or suggestions of songs. Now, They Might Be Gannets have fleshed out those snippets into fully fledged lovingly crafted instant pop classics, presented here for your delectation. Get it here: Fingertips



SWAN SUPPERS SUSPENDED (published 7 April 2006)

The famous Craw's Nest Inn in Anstruther has taken its local delicacy, the swan supper, off the menu following the outbreak of bird flu in the area. The head chef at the world class Fife restaurant, Andy Warhol Tamson,, said yesterday, 'Aye, the swan's aff. We'll be dishing oot the fish finger pieces pronto, like.'


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