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March 2006 Archive

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JACK RULES IN HIS JAMMIES (published 31 March 2006)

It has been revealed that the president of Scotchlandshire runs the country in his sleep. The Thirst Minister's wife, Brenda, said yesterday, 'He's always passing amendments and implementing strategic recommendations while sleepwalking. It's a worry. I just wish he'd do something useful, like the hoovering.'




MARCHING SEASON STARTS EARLY (published 31 March 2006)

The first orange march of the spring has been spotted in the highlands. Allegations that stoats crossing the parade have been given a good kicking have been strenuosly denied by the organisation. A spokesperson for the orange order, Bleating Billy Bigot, said yesterday, 'Baaa.'


COBBLESTONE COVER UP (published 24 March 2006)

The current recobbling of Edinburgh's historic High St. has been revealed as a sinister plot to enable the toffs of the town to ride roughshod over the poor downtrodden masses. I.M. Minted, a rich person, said yesterday, 'Since the banning of fox-hunting and peasant shooting, we have very little to amuse us. Imagine the fun we can now have rolling our horse-drawn carriages over the backs of the local oiks. Tally Ho!'


BALLOON MAN (published 24 March 2006)

One of the best albums of the eighties was 'Globe of Frogs' by Robyn Hitchcock and The Egyptians. So, imagine the Reckless delight in discovering a video for that album's best track, 'Balloon Man' on You Tube. Now presented here for your delight: Balloon Man



PET HATES (published 17 March 2006)

You know all those things that get up your nose like vegetarian dyslexics that smoke forty courgettes a day? Well, Reckless correspondent and part-time illegal medical practitioner, Perry Estelle, has got squillions of them together and ready for you to buy in revolutionary new handy book format. Just head on over to Pet Hates for your copy.




ATTACK OF THE 90FT BEAM BREAKER (published 17 March 2006)

A giant woman is believed to be behind the current problems with the Scottish Parliament roof. Eye witnesses claim that a huge naked female was seen leaning casually on the rafters of the building a couple of weeks ago. She is also reported to bear an uncanny resemblance to MSP Maggie Currants.





SNOW. GET USED TO IT (published 17 March 2006)

The government has calmly reminded the peepul of Scotchester that it snows every year and there is no need to be alarmed. Signs have been planted throughout the land to reassure the public.





THE HEAVENLY TIMES (published 10 March 2006)

The Reckless is pleased to announce the launch of its new sister paper, The Heavenly Times - The only online paper in Heaven. As you can see, one of our newest readers is delighted that he can still keep up to date in the afterlife. Updated ridiculously frequently due to the large number of folks dying recently, The Heavenly Times promises to be a very popular read amongst an inevitable and vastly increasing readership. See it here: The Heavenly Times


MICE SPACE.COM (published 10 March 2006)

The latest online phenomenon is scuttling like wildfire around the intertwerp. Join up now and make friends with all kinds of meeces around the planet: Mice




FREE FREE FREE - STRAIGHT TO CD (published 3 March 2006)

This month's free CD is from The Plagiarist - 14 tracks of unadulterated freeness featuring something old, new, borrowed and blootered. Get your copy now, here: The Plagiarist




FORTH BRIDGE BEAMER (published 3 March 2006)

Plans for a new Forth road bridge constructed along the lines of the Scottish Parliament's roof support structure have been put on hold. A building spokesman, Archie Tecture, said yesterday, 'D'oh!'



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