week - Anti-Social Behaviour
They say you can't take it with you when you go but what if it
really wants to go with you? (Contributed by Alex
Dr F. I examined your mother’s rectum last
week and it smells of carpet cleaner.
say a stitch in time saves nine. Nine what? And what if you only wanted
to save eight of them? (Contributed by W.J. Newhart)
Dr F. You’ve got the charisma of a knitting
If there is a 'Pot of Gold' at the end of the Rainbow how is it
that no one can ever find the End of the Rainbow? Even when standing
on a hill looking down at it? Doesn't it end somewhere? (Contributed
by Paula Pence)
Dr F. How illuminating. You’re nobody’s
fool, but then, I hope somebody will adopt you.
Why is an unanswered question better than an unquestioned answer?
(Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. Here’s 10p. Go and call somebody who
gives a shit.
Don't you think that with the proper amount of manpower, pliers,
ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually COULD lead a horse to water
AND make it drink? (Contributed by Andy Overman)
Dr F. Get a job as an icecream vendor and go and
How come by the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb
the fence? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)
Dr F. Can I borrow your face? My arse is going on
If early birds get worms, isn't it better to sleep in? (Contributed
Dr F. Take your worms and shove ‘em up your
What is so hard about ‘having your cake and eating it too’?
(Contributed by David Packnick)
Dr F. Don’t ask m,e I’m a consultant
not Ainsley bleeding Harriot.
If the squeaky wheel gets the grease, why is it that the nail
that sticks out gets hammered? (Contributed by
Rodney and Cathy's Jokelist)
Dr F. In your case, the wheels still turning but
the hamster's dead.
Why do people say, 'You can't have your cake and eat it too'?
Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it? (Contributed
Dr F. Stop flirting with me. You may turn the heads
of other GP’s but you only turn my stomach. Only the other day
I shagged the back of a bus to prove this.
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, shouldn't that individual
relinquish that hold until studying art? (Contributed
by Lou Scrima)
Dr F. Just close you mouth for second. I want to
see the rest of your face.
What would be the point of finding a needle in a haystack? Wouldn't
it be easier to just go out and buy another needle? (Contributed
Dr.F. Sorry, you can’t help being a lardyarse.
Last time you walked off with my pen and I had to write out your prescription
with an anal thermometer.
If getting there is half the fun, and half a loaf is better than
none, would getting halfway there with a whole loaf be more or less
fun? (Contributed by M.S.)
Dr F. Try and use your loaf, even if you are thickcut
and it goes against the grain. You big lairy, hairy, fairy, wanky
planky, pointy tit, bollockchops.
If bread is buttered on both sides, does the bread have a preference
for which side it lands on? (Contributed by Tony
Fraser, Oxenford QLD Australia)
Dr F. You Ozzies are crackers. You call us Brits,
POM’s. Do you know what it stands for? P. O.M stands for “Prisoner
of the Monarch”. Who feels like a big sweaty wanker now then?
Who the heck would put a needle in a haystack, anyway? (Contributed
by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. This haystack crap is the last straw. I’m
going to lunch. If you must live in this country get a good book on
English quotes and maybe it will give me something to live for next
time I see you. Like revenge.
also Dr Farquar - Smith on:
The Generation Gap