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The agony uncle who travels incognito to avoid
Perry Estelle

Edgy Britwit logic chopping on the loose

This week - Death

Why are some people afraid to die? Why don't they just not be there when it happens? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Death is for cowards. Put on clean underwear. Stay in bed. Always be sure to say goodnight on a good note.

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Pure alcohol is in beer and spirits but it can still give you the shits.

Is death just nature's way of telling us to slow down? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. I don’t think so. Dead lazy people tend to live longer.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Some male corpses wear trouser braces, and a belt. So don’t trust dead people, who can't trust their own trousers. They will always cause more trouble than when they were alive.

What would happen if one Siamese twin committed suicide? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. The other twin would never be able to look them in the eye again. If the other survives, for example, say, in a car accident, they may get to take their test again... but not here...maybe in France.

If there is a meaning to life why do we all have to die? (Contributed by Alex Petty)

Dr F. Heaven knows. Do animals think about this shit? For instance if a seal can juggle a ball better than a human why does he need any other porpoise in life?

If someone tells you to 'get a life' are they implying that you are in fact dead? (Contributed by Mike)

Dr F. Only worry when people come around and put labels on your crockery, when you take a nap.

Why does it matter who has the most toys when you die? Are you not still dead? (Contributed by Roger Ness)

Dr F. It’s true, ‘you can’t take with you’ but it’s likely your neighbour has all your power tools anyway.

Why should we worry about the world coming to an end today? Isn't it already tomorrow on the other side of the world? (Contributed by Charles S.)

Dr F. I agree. Timezones notwithstanding, ‘jetlag’ should buy you a few hours before you ‘croak’ depending on which part of the planet you want to die.

How come we go to the funeral home to see the deceased, go to the church to see the deceased, but then put the coffin in a hearse with curtains drawn all around so we can't see? (Contributed by Jim Adams)

Dr F. That depends if you are left an estate, and its next door's old Volvo.

Does the word deceased make any sense? If we stop doing something we cease. Put 'de" in front and it means to undo. So if we decease we should really be starting up again. Right? Confused? (Contributed by Jim Adams)

Dr F. Yes, I'm with you on this. 'Stainbusters' came yesterday, to 'De-shag" my carpet. I wished they had come eight years earlier before the twins were born.

Why is the only form of suicide sanctioned by society when one works themselves to death? (Contributed by Theodor Nickel)

Dr F. Only if you decide to expire during your tea break. Bosses prefer you to succumb to death in your own time.

Why do we always ask, 'Is Life Worth Living'? Why don't we ever ask 'Is Death Worth Dying'? (Contributed by R.M. Weiner)

Dr F. There is much glory in dying for some people. Apart from ‘friendly fire’ that is. Hardly something to boast about in heaven.


see also Dr Farquar - Smith on:
New Year
The Ward