This week: Fashion

I’m a slave to fashion. So can you whip me, spank me, chase me round the room and call me names please. Sadie Ist

Dr F: Now come, come and in your own time. I should get you arrested for enticement, but you will probably enjoy being slapped  in handcuffs.

I’m a power dresser. Especially when they put the hood over my eyes and a strip of leather between my teeth and throw the  switch. Kip Smolderin

Dr F: Death row can be an electrifying experience. Don’t wear a blazer or flares.

I love a baby doll nighty and that’s why I can’t find one in my size. The one I dress Tressy in cuts me under the arms a bit when I’m welding. Mike Hunt

Dr F: Don’t turn over in bed too quickly unless you like 40,000 volts up your sheriff’s badge. Who would you sue? What is the name of the man  that made man-made fibres? Is nylon a plastic chemical that makes you impotent? It’s just a fake yarn if you ask me.

I love the way Jehovah’s Witnesses dress. In their charcoal suits and neat ties. I visited a Jehovah’s Witnesses Assembly Hall once. I walked inside and there was a huge conveyor belt with various limbs and torsos where they make them. Lil Liar

Dr F: If all of us dressed like that we would be like medical students from 1969, meaning medicine as we know it would be full of clots like your urine sample.

I keep throwing up my food over my pet dog.  What can help me keep it down?  Huey Groog

Dr F:  A sharp smack on the nose. See me in my office. You won’t need a prescription.

As a famous designer I want to sell my clothes and start wearing what I really like. Aran Swetter

Dr F: I don’t know much about fashion. If designers like Vivian Westwood are anything to go by, she looks like a cross between an ongoing firework factory blaze and the aftermath of a suicide bomber in the British Heart Foundation next door to a Dulux paint factory.  You can take your chintz gauze and cherry suede and shove it up your ‘today’s brown is tomorrows craggy cylindrical walnut finish floater.’

The average women puts 6 lbs of lipstick on her mouth during her lifetime. Les Puckerupp

Dr  F: Or, if you are called Cherie Blair, all in one go. A blowjob from her is like a deleted scene from SAW 5 and I should know. Lipstick is made of fish scales so that explains why she smells of haddock too.

Yul Brynner wore nothing but black for the last 45 years of his life. Happy Talky

Dr F: He smoked 100 fags a day, so I expect he wanted his shirt to match his lungs.

The plastic bits on shoelaces are called Aglets. Save your money and use the string that holds a beef joint together to tie your shoes. Ivor Nicepare

Dr F: You sound on your uppers. Do you realize that 40% of women have hurled shoes at men? Girls do that to me all the time, but mostly when they are still wearing them.

People with dementia should follow fashion. Most designer wear is forgettable inside a day and models always look as if somebody else dressed them anyway. Toby Frank

Dr F: Yes. My Mother has Alzheimer’s and she never lets me forget it. I had to sell the parachute I bought for her. I got a good price as it was never opened and used just the once.

I have some very fashionable wire mesh butcher gloves. Hardly worn. One three fingered and the other two fingered. £15 the pair. Dan Nabbit

Dr F: Did you have a hand in it? Remind me not to try your chipolatas.

I want to have my arsehole bleached. Hanna Boobjob

Dr F: I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde.

see also Dr Farquar-Smith on: