This week: Fellatio

It’s filthy, degrading and it makes my jaw ache. Isla Givvitamiss

Dr F: I’m not surprised with a chin that size. Can I land my aeroplane on it?

I tried it once with my first wife who was so frigid I got brain freeze. Ivor Chill

Dr F: Its better with a flake jammed in the end and hundreds and thousands.

I musn’t.. because my Mother said I shouldn’t eat anything that has already been in other peoples mouths. Sal Crapp

Dr F: Ask her what I’m supposed to do with the leftovers?

I use maple syrup to freshen up. Just like on a pancake. Perpetua Lee

Dr F: Who does the tossing?

What’s wrong with just a cuddle in front of the telly and  a few Doritoes? Saff Azhooses

Dr F: Dammit ..woman ..multitask.

We are trying for a baby and frankly that kind of thing is unacceptable. I don’t want to waste what little my husband has to offer. These days he has lost interest and prefers to watch a weepy film each night when I have already gone to bed. They must be real tear jerkers the amount of tissue he seems to get through.  Norma Lee

Dr F: Try standing on your head after sex and gravity will do the rest. Your nightie will hide your face.

Can you spell CLITORIS? Tania Butt

Dr F: It was on the tip of my tongue a minute ago.

I don’t believe this category. Is this really how far we have come? Shirley Knott

Dr F: Yes about two degrees South by South East of my navel narrowly missing the carpet.

I have the trots and you caught me on the hop with a missing repeat script for my runny tummy. So I went straight into your office and pooped on your fax machine desk and chair. Your doorknob, drink fountain and in the filing cabinet, saving the air con unit for the last hurrah!. Have I already made myself quite clear? Tristan Shout

Dr F: Yes. I think you have covered everything.

‘Fellatio’ or Nelson as he was known, started oral sex when he said “Kiss me Hard-on.” Jess Arsk

Dr F: You are to Naval history what Quentin Crisp was to an occasional sailor. Just an arsehole.

I’m your new secretary Mitsy Bushey. Can I warm up your supper? MB

Dr F: Yes. Slide down the banister and stand by the  radiator would you?

The very thought of it makes me gag. I hate pistachio. Sheila Dunnit

Dr F: No. That’s just a salty nut that you might like to nibble on. Ok. I see what you mean.

I would like some head. The bitter's flat again. Stan Sitt

Dr F: Best to pull your own or let the barmaid do it.

I love oral sex. I could talk about it all day. Whoopie Doo

Dr F: The old ones are always the best, but I draw the line at about 86 as long as they have no memory of what I did and can support their own weight.

I live on a narrow boat and last night I had romantic night with my boyfriend making love. I listened to soft lapping sounds all night. Help! This bastard is sinking!  Mandy Lifeboats

Dr F: Has nobody heard of a snorkel?

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