week - Health & Safety
If alcohol is so bad for you, why do people say when they toast,
"To your very good health"?(Fooge)
Dr F. Preserve your liver. Get it pickled.
Is aromatherapy bad for your health? I heard some essential oils
can be dangerous? (Fooge)
Dr F. Don't buy an essential oil if you don't need
Shouldn't a Doctor get rid of your earlier records so he can give
you a non-bias, independent health check? (Fooge)
Dr F. He will probably give you a better prognosis.
For instance. Ever since I sold my Roger Whittaker records at a church
fete, I feel, frankly much better in myself, and have moved on. It's
parting with my 'Olivia Newton John Greatest Hits' I'm struggling
How can I practise safe sex, when I hate confined spaces and being
surrounded by other peoples valuables? (Fooge)
Dr F. I can't think of a better combination.
Isn't the fact Live 8 performers got $7000 worth of party gifts
to perform, indicate that such lavishness in the name of charity is
a breech of Health and Safety for Bob Geldof? Because knowing this
fact may earn him a smack in the mouth? (Fooge)
Dr F. This is for the same reason Midge Ure was so
upset about the human suffering he witnessed in Africa. So moved was
he that he personally vowed (quote) 'never to go back there'.
If religion is responsible for most of the worlds' bloodshed over
the last 6000 years why doesn't the Bible, Koran, Book of Mormon etc
have a United Nations Health and Safety warning on the preface page?
Dr F. Both belief in the bible and science is intellectual
suicide. At nursery I was taught that a prince turned into a frog.
When I went to school to learn evolution my biology teacher said we
all came from frogs. The next day I go to religious instruction I
was told we came from 'the dust of the earth'. My mother said that
I was brought into the world by some Stork or other. For eleven years
I was questioning a tub of margarine about Darwins' book 'Origin of
the Species', and you come to me... with your feckin' problems?
I'm a brownie leader and arranged a beach trip. I was arrested
by the porn squad for putting sunblock on a kids arm? Am I a pervert?
Dr F. No. You can't win. Next time, don't bother
and watch yourself imprisoned for neglect, because the kid ends up
sunburned and with first stage melanoma! I forsee a time when you
will not be able to change your own kid's nappy without having a child
psychologist, district nurse, specialist lawyer, and a representative
from WHO or Amnesty International, present, before you are allowed
to do so, making it easier for paedophiles to operate, undetected!
Why don't we have a health warning on junk foods like: "This
product is hardening your arteries before you unwrap it?"(Fooge)
Dr F. Here are some more..
"This 'Pepperami' will raise your lipids and may cause impotence.
Sellotape your dick to it as a handy splint instead."
"This Big Mac will have you pissing lard for a week."
"The amount of Mars bars you have already eaten would have paid
for your bypass."
"Free stick to put your socks on with"
"Buy three and get a £1 off your angioplasty with BUPA"
Should I order "Toad in the Hole" if I notice, chef
is missing a finger? (Fooge)
Dr F. Yes. It's quite safe. But I would give the
Spotted Dick for dessert , a miss.
Why aren't croupiers trained in CPR. (Fooge)
Dr F. It's no big deal.
Why does a bag of Sainsbury's peanuts have a label "Warning
this product contains nuts"?(Fooge)
Dr F. The same reason they have "may cause drowsiness"
on a bottle of NYTOL.
also Dr Farquar - Smith on:
The Generation Gap