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The agony uncle who travels incognito to avoid
Perry Estelle

Edgy Britwit logic chopping on the loose

This week - Ignorance

Whats the difference between Apathy and Indifference? Salome Aquid

Dr Farquar says: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Isn’t the quickest and easiest way to find a lost item to replace it? Amelia Mouth

Dr F: Yes it’s a travesty. I try to learn by the mistakes of others as I don’t think I will live long enough to try them all out myself.

I hate ignorance. Especially people who stoop to tie their shoelaces and don’t try to do another act equally as considerate while they are down there. Like pick up litter or offer an earthworm safe passage, pick a flower or watch the shenanigans within a toilet cubicle. Alexis Hairdoon

Dr F: Good point. As you know I will usually stoop to anything. Choosing between two evils is difficult. You can’t ignore one without the other. To give an example.. The other day I was at a public convenience and presented with the choice of trying some crack or just saying ‘No’. At least the guy didn’t try to palm me off with drugs.

Sex has replaced food in my life. Now even I can’t get into my own pants. Omar Gord

Dr F: Ha! I have sex almost everyday. Almost on Monday. Almost on Tuesday and so on.

I think Gordon Brown is ignorant. Look what he has done to this country in his short period in office. 5 Mortgage interest rises. Wages forced down. Out of control fuel and utility costs. Overtaxing. A crippled NHS with hundreds of qualified nurses losing jobs or not getting jobs. Migration mismanagement. The EU community money pit. I want to kick him in the balls. Can you direct me to his house please? Mark Mawords

Dr F: Certainly. I just happen to be in London appearing at the Old Bailey. Something, I believe, to do with an incident involving a patient who accused me of stealing his plasma to go ‘trick or treating’ with.

It’s a crock of shite. What do lawyers know? They are the only people that can ignore the law and get away with it. On the day in question I was far too busy making a snowman without any snow. A difficulty when so few body parts are simply not available because of lack of thoughtful donors and lack of funding. Amputees are a selfish lot. Just look at Heather MaCartney. I had to stop my patients from breastfeeding because of her big mouth. She said milk had pustules in it. Breastfeeding used to be my favourite hobby but now it really sucks.

It’s not as if patients separated from their limbs are good for anything else is it? It was a stroke of luck Mrs Timfordson had fallen asleep while waiting for her appointment, so I borrowed her prosthetic legs to stop the bugger falling over. So, Snowman making has come a long way since climate change.

Where were we? ….Ah yes… directions, of course, to Number 10... and Mr Brown's bollocks needing a good kick. Make sure you use both your boots, as I will never forgive Gordon for making me sell my old Ferguson valve set. What next is going to go I wonder? By the cringe, I hope it's not Brut aftershave, polystyrene ceiling tiles and harlequin sweaters. The sort of consumables that brought us out of the Middle ages and made us proud to be British. Thus it is a known fact that we English are so tough that the bacteria in our own faeces will eat its way through a stack of ten sheets of paper. Bravo and Hurrah for the Empire.

Now listen carefully..

Go past the closed hospital and the boarded up Post Office. Hang a right at the Barclays bank that is now a wine bar near the respite centre that is changed to a Citizens Advice Bureau above what used to be a Job Centre.

The tower block of x-council flats straight ahead is presently converted into overpriced apartments developed by an Albanian millionaire who has never even been to London.

Just a few yards on you will see a curry house that used to be a respite care unit.

Walk past the Farm which is now a detention centre and along an alley through ‘cardboard city’. What was the YMCA is directly in front of you and now turned into a Noodle Bar.

To your left is a Presbyterian Church being sold to become a leisure centre. The other large building in front of you is an old cinema that was once a school and after that a bowling alley and later on switched to sheltered accommodation and a refuge for the least known charity U.G.L.Y - B.F or Ukrainian Gypsy Lesbian Yokels and their Battered Fish.

Follow the road bearing right that had a day centre knocked down to make way for a Starbucks and a cellphone warehouse.

Number 10 Downing Street is the very next road, but make haste before it becomes a Tesco Express instead of a place for dossers on a four year tenancy contract.

see also Dr Farquar-Smith on:

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