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The agony uncle who travels incognito to avoid
Perry Estelle

Edgy Britwit logic chopping on the loose

This week - Even More Life

Is it possible that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others? (Contributed by Funny Bone)

Dr F. If you wanted to cement a relationship with world leaders would that set a president for you?

How come it takes half your life-time to realize that life is a do-it-yourself thing? (Contributed by Humor Bin)

Dr F. Getting sex can be difficult for some of the most attractive people. Why do you think that Spiderman has webbed fingers?

Don't you think life is like a roller coaster? After all, there are ups and downs, right? And aren't the downs much scarier in both? (Contributed by Laura G.)

Dr F. Depends on whose false teeth are left in your lap.

What if we are some other species' ant hill? (Contributed by Laura G.)

Dr F. I think you are making a mountain out of an anthill. ‘The Borrowers’ were never real. It’s done digitally somehow and you cannot sleep in matchboxes. I have heard that Food giants are found in most towns and cities though.

Isn't life just like a taxi? After all, the meter just keeps ticking whether you're getting somewhere or just standing still, right? (Contributed by Lou Erickson)

Dr F. It depends on whose paying and how pissed you are.

Isn't life too important to be taken seriously? (Contributed by James S. Huggins)

Dr F. You are having a laugh aren’t you?

Isn't the purpose of life, a life of purpose? (Contributed by Robert Byrne)

Dr F. Did you ask that altogether on purpose? If life had purpose we’d have too much time on our hands. Futility is a great way to wile away the hours.

Aren't the three ingredients to a good life, learning, earning, and yearning? (Contributed by Christopher Morley)

Dr F. In your case being a frustrated poet just makes you seem a bit of a tit.

How come just when I have learned the way to live, life changes? (Contributed by Hugh Prather)

Dr F. This by itself is a life-changing experience. I change lives. I once gave a chromium hip to somebody who just wanted dental work, when I was hungover. I changed that buggers’ life forever.

Have you ever wondered who you were in a past life? If so, have you ever wondered where your bones are buried? If so, if you found out, would you go dig yourself up? And if so, if you got caught, would you claim that you were an existentialist out trying to find yourself? (Contributed by Randy McDaniel)

Dr F. I would make no bones about it. I was regressed once. I hoped to be Hank Williams in a previous life. It was all a bit of a disappointment though. All the message said, was “Some Country and Western”. It now emerges my Hypnotherapist had misheard and I descend from “Some cunt from Preston ”

Why do people say that life is filled with disappointments? Isn't it just one big disappointment? (Contributed by Skater)

Dr F. Life’s a beach. Cheer up. What happened in the gynaecology unit is between you and me. Apart from misplacing your glasses during the procedure the patient made a full recovery. After all you’re a damned fine vet.

Aren't the difficulties of life intended to make us better not bitter? (Contributed by Floyd Maxwell)

Dr F. I prefer lager.

In the beginning there was nothing, right? So how could it explode? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)

Dr F. Some of these haemorrhoid ‘hitching’ operations can be messy affairs.

If you were put on this planet to accomplish a certain number of things, then if you procrastinate, would you live longer? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)

Dr F. I’ll tell you tomorrow. I procrastinate while love-making. I need a bit of a run-up to sex. Last time I broke the vaulting horse and snapped my banjo string.

Isn't aging the only way to live? (Contributed by Don F.)

Dr F. Oh, grow up.

Why do they say that life is too short? Isn't life the longest thing that you have to do? (Contributed by Zoe)

Dr F. What if you had to smoke a ten mile cigarette?

Is life one continuous cycle of exercises in futility? (Contributed by Tess)

Dr F. No. Because in my position as a qualified consultant with a duty of care I truly believe where ‘there is life there is hope’. In your case, though, don’t make any plans for tomorrow. I gave you six months to live and you're overdue a week. Plus you owe me for the last two prescriptions. Honestly, you’d forget your balls if they weren’t in a bag.


see also Dr Farquar - Smith on:
New Year
The Ward
More death
The Generation Gap
Body Neurosis
Anti-Social Behaviour
Health and Safety
More Life
Yet More Life