I like the famous sign on the Cambridge shop. A city famous for its thousands of pushbikes. “Any bike left against this shop window will be recycled.” Saff Pedalin
Solution? Maybe the woolly hatted treehuggers and hoodies should get together in gangs? Lets face it, they both like weed and hate work which is a plus. Instead of congregating outside the local Spar they could get hammered together on ancient monument sites and do tai chi on a ley line or dance naked in the woods around a mushroom ring chanting Gaelic ritual. Treehuggers would not drink cider unless it was organically grown in a Devonshire village. Or, otherwise known as ,Scrumpy. This comes in clay half gallon demijohns far too big to put through the aperture of a bottle bank.
Dr F: Let's hope we can all look after our environment and our endangered species. For instance, if you walked into a bar with a baby seal would you buy it a Canadian club?
Make landfill history. Make packaging edible. Wully Hatter
Dr F: Have you ever thought of being on ‘Dragons Den?' Well, I’d think again. Edible packaging means people will be too full to eat their fast food making it slower to get to the consumer. Garnish will be left everywhere to attract vermin. Zero packaging is better. If it's presentation you are worried about, Mr Colonel ‘Finger-lickin’good’ Saunders, just stick a ribbon around a chicken bun instead. Nobody wants to see your nobby grin on packaging when they are trying to eat. A ribbon is a nice touch. Each order will look like you have won 1st prize.
Recycling is a load of old garbage. I save energy by not doing it. If Mother Nature had intended us to recycle she would not allow fish to pooh in the sea. I don’t see many dolphins poop scooping. A whale can produce up to 30 litres of sperm in one go so don’t try and tell me I’m littering when I toss a knotted condom out of the back window. Jack Yourlate
Dr F: I’m sure you had more impact on your partner that night than the environment. She will treasure that enduring image forever.
Chinese firms are offering UK waste companies about £120 a tonne for plastic bottles. The materials are used to make things such as furnishings, clothes and even plastic bags - which are then sold back to the UK. This makes my efforts to queue at a bottle bank pointless. Lizzy Bittch
Dr F: Wake up woman. I can prove recycling causes crime and vandalism, thus having a negative effect on any environment. Follow me on my journey for a short while. Today I’m a plastic bottle. Come with me. I’ve just been emptied of white cider by a hoodie and he’s tossed me in the street. A tree hugger has picked me up thoughtfully and put me in a bottle bank. I’m waiting for a man in a truck to put me on the back of his lorry with my other plastic friends. Thank God I didn’t end up in the Pacific where I account for 80% of ocean debris or 120 million tonnes. That’s enough to carpet South America.
Hurrah! The 40k truck has arrived! Instead I’m off to the £3,000,000 re-cycling centre onto a conveyor to be sorted by a £250,000 per annum waged team where I end up being washed crushed dried and melted into sheets or pellets. Then I’m spun into fibre and 80% of me will make a carpet. The other 20% is to make stain resistant ‘Hoodie’ coats in places like Patagonia by environmentally conscious manufacturers.
I’m now a hooded coat and I’ve just helped rob a pay and display machine. See! Plastic bottles are evil and will destroy civilization as we know it. No plastic bottles, no crime.
Or I may become another bottle of white cider and the whole process starts again.
The treehuggers and hoodies can get off their tits with Scrumpy and giggle and cuddle each other instead of trying to balance stones on top of each other or live on Pringles while using a BB gun on passers by. On the contrary they will don ‘Hug Me Don’t Mug Me” Tie and Dye T shirts. Then it's back to the caravan for a spliff and off to the next town with our homemade goats yoghurt cous cous and listen to Orbital on a nicked Iphone that doubles as a bong.
also Dr Farquar-Smith on: