This week - Truth
Dr F. Probably. I once treated Cliff Richard for a shadow on his lung, only to find out it was Hank Marvin sitting on his chest.
Is there such a thing as a true lie? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. Yes. "I did not have sexual relations with this woman."
Why is nothing quite so unexpected as the truth? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. I don’t know. To be honest? I asked a patient earlier for a urine sample and he thought I was taking the piss.
Why is it that the facts although interesting are usually irrelevant? (Contributed by Washington)
Dr F. Facts don’t exist, otherwise, vicars and priests that smoke would have cigarette packets with the warning “These will bring you eternal life.”
If someone is telling the truth and no one believes them is it really the truth? (Contributed by Steven P. Mathis)
Dr F. “The truth will out”. Look at George Michael! Which reminds me, I found out my wife was seeing other men when I inadvertently saw her mobile number on a local public convenience wall.
If honesty is so great why can't we just walk up to someone at a party and say 'Hi I can't remember your name either'? (Contributed by Bill Becwar)
Dr F. Being drunk is the only way you can lie as much as you want and have no recollection of doing so. If you are driving drunk ,and stopped by the police, and they ask if you have been drinking, be completely honest, and say, "Yes, officer..... all my life."
If truth is beauty, and beauty is truth, why do women wear make-up and perfume? (Contributed by Eric Crandall)
Dr F. Because they are ugly and they stink.
What IS the point? (Contributed by Smileyface)
Dr F. Sex ,mood altering drugs and trying on new shoes.
Is a myth just a religion in which no one any longer believes? (Contributed by The Duke of Endor)
Dr F. No, its a lady Moth.
If someone told you that you were gullible, would you believe them? (Contributed by Sierra C.)
Dr F. Wisdom is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Gullibility is putting the bastard in a fruit salad.
Is it possible that some of these questions being asked are so ridiculous, you can't even consider them a question? So they're more like a false statement, aren't they? (Contributed by Big Slim Dogg)
Dr F. No a false statement is a health and safety warning. Here is one I found on a can of 'Clairol Herbal Essences Maximum Hold Spray'..it reads.."Do not smoke until hair is dry" (True) It's dickriculous! Who in their right mind is going to put hairspray on, when they need a fag? Also, with such a warning, is it acceptable then, for everybody who uses this product to smoke? In other words, is this product advocating that people, who have never smoked, can do so, but only after they have washed and dried their hair?
In order for children to be taught to speak the truth, isn't it necessary that they should learn to hear it? (Contributed by Samuel Johnson)
Dr F. Buy them an Eminem CD.
What is really real? (Contributed by Beckie)
Dr F. Dying on April Fools day.
If your pants catch on fire, does that mean you are lying? (Contributed by Valerie)
Dr F. That expression means that trousers, like lying, will never go out of fashion. If you told a lie in 1977 and your pants caught fire they were probably a pair of 'flared' trousers. If they, in turn caught light to your jacket, it might have been a blazer.
How come people believe lies but not the truth? (Contributed by Marlis)
Dr F. Nothing will stop the sale of newspapers. People say, "Don't believe everything you read in the newspapers," but you still have to buy a whole one. How can you believe true headlines like this? These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country:
March Planned For Next August
Blind Bishop Appointed To See
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip
Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through
Latin Course To Be Canceled - No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
Croupiers On Strike - Management: "No Big Deal"
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest
If the truth is out there, how come no one ever looks for it? (Contributed by the Alley Cat)
Dr F. Not so. They do look, but they just lie, when they say, they have found it.
What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not? (Contributed by T.M.)
Dr F. Was Mary Quite Contrary? Yes, she probably was, but I don’t think so.
also Dr Farquar - Smith on: