I’m named after a Spanish town in the province of Malaga that provided the breathtaking landscape and death defying famous cliff driving scenes in the Bond film “For Your Eyes Only”. Can I meet you with my solicitor and arresting officers to sue you for your usual 007-type sexist and tired innuendo and waking up from the anaesthetic to find you with your penis in my mouth with accompanying excuse “I couldn’t find a wooden spatula.”? Rhonda Voo
Dr F: If you must. Your other namesake lays in the lyrical title from a song “Help me Rhonda” by 1960s four part harmony Californian stripey prison shirted clean-cut popsters The Beach boys who now only surf the Internet. Wouldn’t it be nice to meet you for some good vibrations and fun fun fun until your daddy takes your T-Bird away?
Only when you grow up to be a man! (R.V)
You prescribed Viagra to my Dachshund. Due to his huge permanently purple helmet his back legs don’t touch the ground anymore making his daily walk difficult forcing him into pogo-stick mode. He has to put one back leg on the curb in order to provide some balance and sufficient clearance. Yesterday he slipped, and his luggage got stuck in a drain. It took 4 hours for the emergency services to free willy and a firemen was bitten severely for his reach around technique. The tabloids want me to expose you and will pay me £20 million pounds for my story. Kay Nine
Dr F: That's the gutter press for you. I saw the overcooked headlines. “Sausage dog gets his sausage stuck in drain.” And “Firemen scolded for spending too long rubbing butter on the hounds genitalia”. Also “Owner dogged with storm drain storm over horny mutt’s smutty gutter butter shock.” Finally, ” Grunty Fen GP blamed for canine curb-crawling cock up. Dog's boner freed by over familiar fire officer. A stiffy sentence is expected.”
Because of my dirty mind you prescribed a blue tablet. Instead of giving me some stonking bonking veiny bristle I started to froth at the mouth and vomit violently. Chuck Upp
Dr F: That's probably the reason why my dishwasher didn’t get the crockery clean this time. However, the odd panhandle looked slightly engorged.
Due to taking too much Viagra, I’m now a hardened criminal. I won’t steal it anymore. Can I get it over the counter? Dick Draggin
Dr F: Yes. If you take four at once.
I’m a lesbian. My girlfriend and I took Viagra. When will we get our tongues back? Ginger Mingeymonkeyboots
Dr F: Double your dose and do a swap.
As a bit of a private dick, I was solving a crime in a graveyard and have lost the plot. I even need a magnifying glass when preparing to make love to suspects. Viagra costs a fortune. I would rather spend the money in Disneyland. After all, it's all just swings and roundabouts. Hugh Dunnit
Dr F: Either way, you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Viagra has gone to my very hard head. I’m a gay marine who has seen a lot of action. My platoon don’t know I’m a left-footer because I’m wearing camouflage trousers. I call my ‘little soldier’ “Brit in Afghanistan”. I just never know when I need to pull out. Private Dancer
Dr F: In view, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Corporal punishment”.
I’m a dementia sufferer on Viagra. I fuck 80 women a day but I just can’t remember all their social security numbers, full names and addresses. Hugh Zatt
Dr F: Poor you! I know what you mean. I forgot to attend Remembrance Day.
I am taking Viagra but keep weeing on my shoes. I'm willing to stick it out for a bit though. Last time I used the loo, I slipped in my soaking Hush Puppies and sustained a fracture to my cervical spine. I was breaking my neck for a piss. Uri Ne
Dr F: Apologies! This was due to an admin error on your prescription. It read Niagra.
I took Viagra and Exlax by mistake. It’s great! When I go for an urgent shit, I have somewhere to hang my coat PDQ! Ivor Crombie
Dr F: This is an idea that really stands out. I would do the same but Mrs Smith and I have a cat and we already have a scratching post.
I love Anal! Ava Ago
Dr F: Does Alan, your husband, know you are dyslexic?