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Have your say -write to the editor and let rip!

The editor welcomes your comments on the burning issues of the day. If you have something you want to get off your chest or any other part of your anatomy, then write to the editor.





Dear Ed

Ah jist thought a wid cheer ye up wi a wee ditty, ye always sound awfy doon in yer replies tae awww the peasants, nae wunner, they like a guid winge dont they! My wee ditty was inspired by weans trying tae poison me wi yet another manky sour swedger, cleverly disguised as the common Opal Fruit. Hope it brings a wee smile tae yer fizzer.

By: mazx

where did you put your bazooka before you went to bed?
did you stick it to your headboard or swallow it instead?

before you ate a whopper did you roll it like a hose?
could you eat a sherbet fountain without getting it on your nose?

have you ever had a loveheart that says be mine?
was your favourite spangle lemon or lime?

I went to the tallyman he gave me a cabana
he said "whats your favourite toffo" i say's banana!

did you ever draw boobs with refreshers in the street?
and were victory v's even a sweet?

things have changed that's for certain.
america's the only place you'll get a texan

shrimps and mojos have definately shrunk
and when was the last can of quatro you drunk?

weans today dont take bottles to the shops
its cold hard cash for their "big baby pops"

it has to have a toy or be able to whistle
you wont catch them with drumsticks or swizzles

space dust,beta bars and treats have gone
an its impossible to find a decent bon-bon

so i'm starting a campaign to save the fry's cream
because the other four centres are all but a dream!

Bravo. However, I can categorically affirm that I never partook in the strange habit of drawing 'boobs with refreshers in the street.' Was this a common occurence? I was usually too busy playing Best Man's Fall. I imagine that particular game, if indeed it is still played today, would involve some merry pranksters choosing suicide bomber as their preferred method of demise. - Ed

Can I just say how much I am enjoying the rollickingly rumbustious riveting read that is 666 Great Junction Street?

Yours enviously,
Alex (Kirsty) McCall Smith,

No - Ed

How come you never update the letters page? Oh, Aye, and how come worms can read?

Yours in leather,
Jim and Bob Acidbath,

We have been rather lax you're right but, truth be told, the letters we receive have been sadly lacking in mirthitude of late. We shall endeavour to look out for and print the more amusing missives as they arrive, be they from worms or any other creatures - Ed

I am really quite keen on the golf ball puffer fish idea. In fact if I start breeding my own I could save a fortune. Do you have to scare them while they are still in the water or can you, like wot I did as a kid with frogs, stick a straw up their arse and blow them up?

Graham Wallace

I am horrified at your schoolkid antics and dread to think what part of an animal's anatomy you used for conkers. However, I have forwarded your frog blowing suggestion to Channel 5 for their alternative sports show to be hosted by the new look Rolf 'No More Mister Nice Guy' Harris - Ed

You just make these letters up don't you?

Bruce Springsteen

No - Ed

Dear Editor,
What is it about this day and age that forces people (like yersel) to constantly muck around with formulas that work! Your new layout does not look like a newspaper at all and consequently I find myself doubting that what you write is either true or pertinent (I like that last word so I just threw it in there).
You have shaken my faith in your online newspaper causing me to doubt whether there is actually such a thing as "news" at all! Has this been a conspiracy all along, is it possible that because there is not such a thing as news you are making it all up?
Please tell me NO, as I live my life according to the bible that is the Daily Reckless and would hate to have to resume buying the Scotsman or God forgive the Herald, as I know that they use their mediums to propogate and spout the awfullest shite?

Shamus Notroo

Dear Shamus, We thought long and hard about changing the look of the Reckless and while our experimentations have upset some traditionalists, we believe our commitment to real News (yes, Shamus, it really is really real) co-exists with the other funky Hi-Tech stuff. So pick and choose whatever you like out of the newly expanded Reckless - it's free you know, unlike those other rags you mention.

Has anyone noticed the remarkable resemblance between the future prime minister of England and a rubber latex puppet?

Vic Tishus

Cripes, you're right, Vic. The Tory Party seem to be infiltrated by sci fi characters. Think of Mekon Hague, Redwood (another Spock) and Ann Widdecombe (any scary monster you care to mention)

Has anyone noticed the striking resemblance between me and my twin brother Bob?

Jim Acidbath,

Funny you should say that, Jim, Bob appears to have stumbled upon a similar observation:

Has anyone noticed the striking resemblance between me and my twin brother Jim?

Bob Acidbath,

I Think all the politicans are a load of boring old farts.

Steve Claxton

Incisive political comment there, Steve and intriguing use of capitalisation to emphasise the enormity of your thoughts. I expect you'll be after Jeremy Paxton's job eh?

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