MUSIC
ARTHUR MONTFORD'S AUTOGRAPH
(Mackay)
From Love Street to Easter Road we miss his dulcet tones
He made Leonard Cohen sound like The Ramones
I regret a lot of things - I'm no Edith Piaf
But I don't regret getting Arthur Montford's autograph
Contrary to opinion he liked a real good laugh
On E-bay it's 15p for Arthur Montford's autograph
As far as we know he never took cocaine or met a hooker
His voice was better suited for the snooker
Nobody could say 1-0 quite like him
He was never associated with the words vigour or vim
Arthur Montford
When men were men and wore tight shorts, Arthur kept it dour
Mumbling into microphones for Clyde and Stenhousemuir
Maybe he was a go-getter and we've done him a disservice
But I'm pretty sure he was duller than Peter Purves
Arthur Montford x2
You may think he's pretty naff
Go and take an early bath
Arthur Montford's autograph
I'm pretty musical you know
I've got four Piafs and a piano
(from the album Tartan Special)
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