If yer skinny or a fatty
Ye cannae beat a bit of mince and tatties
But don't eat it if you do karate
Or you'll make a mess o' that white suit thing they wear
Mince and tatties qualitate
It's better with a whisky than a latté
That big wummin in the Carry On films, Hattie Jacques
She couldnae get enough o' mince and tatties
I gave my true love a plate of mince
To tell ye the truth, I havenae seen her since
Maybe I put in too much curry powder
Her face was more burnt than Nikki Lauda
Chopped up coo and fluffy mash
Gies ye a nice broon and white moustache
Footballers used to have style and panache
Now they've just got wads of cash
Mince and tatties qualitate
Italians eat it, like Massimo Donati
Because the night belongs to Patti Smith
Bruce Springsteen wrote it in Cincinatti
Mince and tatties qualitate
It won't help you doing yoga or pilates
You can stuff yer onion bhajis and chapatis
Just gie me a great big plate o' mince and tatties