You used to be unwreckable
Your knowledge was impeccable
Your thesis on 'Ulysses' was profound
But now it's all flown out the portholes in your brain
You're half insane
You're more 50 Cent now than Ezra Pound

You used to know almost everything
Now you don't know anything anymore
All you know now is pop culture
You're a pop culture bore

You were literary critical,
Your poets metaphysical
You used to know your Mozart from your Brahms
But now you read The Metro
And the bloody internet goes on and on
Like teenage Fifers pushing prams


'Mock The Week''s good,
Doctor Feelgood,
Especially 'Roxette'
You've got every HBO series
And 'The Wire' box set
You used to like that fella, Chaucer
Now you like Nigella Lawson
Now you stay behind at the pictures
So you can see the credits
You have to know the key grip
And who did the final edits
And the gaffer
And the first assistant to the set designer
You're a bit of a crude word that we've all heard for a vagina


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