This Week's Top Ten
The No.1 Song in Heaven - Sparks
People will invariably
get up and die. That's why we here at The Heavenly Times (the ONLY
newspaper in heaven) are committed to keeping you up to date with
all that's happening in the afterlife.
Joni: "They Paved Paradise!"
Former 60s beatnik and singer/songwarbler, Joni Mitchell, is 'absolutely livid' at reports filtering down to earth about our new car park facilities. Joni fumed yesterday, 'They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot. With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot!'
She is also reportedly outraged that the Department for Hevenly Leisure and Recreation are charging people a dollar and a half admission to see the trees in the tree museum.
A spokesperson for the Heaven Planning Department said yesterday, 'If Joni had indeed looked at clouds from both sides, she will have seen the necessity for extra car parking spaces for our parishioners. Wait till she finds out about the Kentucky Fried Chicken Megastore!'
70s soul combo, Tavares, are being questioned by the earthly division of the celestial police brigade following allegations that Heaven must be missing an angel. The group have allegedly stated that she's "here with me, right now."
Superintendent Dixon of Dock Green yesterday confirmed that the group had also aked for several other criminal records to be taken into consideration.
remember kids, be good or we'll send you to: